Whether you’re single, with your partner, polyamorous, or in an open relationship, there’s a lot of stress that comes with sexual activity in the LGBTQ community. Trying to overcome issues with intimacy, difficulties with erectile dysfunction, or experiencing intercourse with the same sex for the first time, there’s just so much that can weigh on the mind that can ruin a moment.
It’s important to know you aren’t alone in these feelings. Gay couples and lesbian couples, and even singles in the LGBTQ community, have a harder time dealing with the pressure of sex than straight people and heterosexual couples.
Pursuing Therapy
Gay couples counseling by counselors who are also members of the LGBTQ community is the best way to get the affirmation we may need to discuss our issues without the need to translate because of sexual orientation.
The truth is gay couples and lesbian couples face relationship challenges but can be more apprehensive about seeking help because of the inability of others to identify with their specific relationship issues. This has made mental health such a dire focal point for LGBTQ persons.
Sexual and intimacy problems, like performance anxiety and troubles with stamina, can stem from deeper troubles within a gay relationship, like lack of trust and awkward and tense communication that comes from not giving attention to issues that have affected you both in the past.
Couples therapy can also cut through the tension of discussions about your sex life, like going from a monogamous relationship to an open one. This can sometimes be leaped into headfirst by same-sex couples without acknowledging certain issues before. This can lead to disagreement and even resentment about sexual partners.
Internalized Homophobia
LGBTQ sexual relations present unique challenges, and that includes overcoming discrimination within the community. Internalized homophobia can show up in the form of self-hatred, shame, fear, and bias. While this may seem harmless in thought sometimes, rejection on the basis of gender identity and skin color, to even weight and appearance, creates a vulnerability and uncertainty about oneself. This impacts self-esteem without a way to better understand where the big problem truly is.
That stress becomes internalized and leaves us unable to perform sexually, due to a lack of compassion. Stress has the greatest impact on a sexual encounter, making lasting longer in bed impossible, and can even lead to struggling with libido and the inability to have a satisfying orgasm.
Sexual Exploration
When exploring sexuality, there is certainly trepidation about trying new positions and expanding horizons romantically to find healthy ways to guarantee satisfaction while not sacrificing comfort for better sex life.
For gay men, the first time bottoming could be scary. Taking a deep breath is important to help you relax as you anticipate penetration. When exploring sex positions, be sure to find an angle that suits your partner’s penis. As for topping, it’s important to be understanding your partner’s sexual desire. Be sure to take into account ejaculatory control without sacrificing your partner’s comfort, monitoring thrust, and endurance.
For lesbians, gentle fingering to induce sexual pleasure is a good start, and you may want to increase tempo depending on your partner’s arousal levels. When it comes to penetration by strap-ons or the use of a vibrator, it’s important to maintain a strong pelvic floor. Kegel exercises can help to build strength while increasing sexual pleasure and raising sexual confidence.
Understanding each sex session and taking into account your own comfort and your partner’s will lead to great sex and a gratifying experience for everyone involved, taking your sex relationship to the next level.